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A long time ago. Someone like me, not that embarrassed to admit(yet), who has been single for the past 18 years of her life, has also fell so hard for love before, feel hurt before, cried hard before. That’s the kind of pain, for the first time in my life, a 15, 16-year old me hoped that i never had to go through. So through these years, i guess i did feel better. Laughed more and cried less. And when the healing is taking place, i realised too, that i’m feeling lesser. Sometimes i rather choose not to feel anything than to take any risk to remember any bit of the pain all over again. This heart has been feeling more dead than empty for the longest time ever. Till some point i thought i might have lost all the ability to feel again. But recently, i’m starting to wonder… wonder when will i start feeling those again? Its something so pathetic to ask for but what to do, i suddenly feel the need for those pain to make me feel like i’m still living. And oh so when’s my turn to smile like a complete fool in front of my handphone screen, like what my silly brother just did? He is in love. A sec-4 kid.